the unfathomable misery of being

One of the greatest areas of strength in managing our recovery journeys lies in creating, cultivating, and effectively utilizing a robust support network. Unfortunately, the reality of including others in our recovery efforts includes limitations that don’t exist in the ideal visualization of those networks. 

The ideal version of recovery would likely include a therapist who seems to understand us and who is personally invested in our recovery because of their inherent altruistic nature. We may consider the ideal of having a completely supportive, non-judgmental partner and/or family members. We fantasize that not only will appropriate care be accessible, advocated for, and affordable, but also actionable when attempting to include them in our lifestyles. 

Often, though, what we find are burned out clinicians and staff in every area of medicine who work the same long shifts we do and approach their work with the same level of compromise between ideal perfection, acceptable performance, and just trying to get through the fucking day.

Our partners are not immovable pillars of limitless stoic understanding, but fellow suffering humans with all the same problems as us and while it is very easy to compare notes and think that their problems are less significant in relation to our own and therefore they can take on the additional task of managing our entire emotional landscape for us, the truth is that their “lesser” problems feel just as big to them as ours feel to us and asking them to take on this burden is no different from some other fucked up person asking you or me to manage their insanity; it’s just too much. 

Then, there is the enormous burden of trying to incorporate an entirely new way of existence into an established, full life that is already in progress. This is a monumental endeavor for even the most well prepared among us, but for those who have trouble with any aspect of either of the above, or money, or understanding every single minute aspect of a life probably too complicated for anyone to manage, anything close to meaningful feels out of reach forever. 

So, what do we do?

We must try our best to improve our interactions with those around us by educating ourselves on all of the factors mentioned here and anything which might uniquely affect your situation. Continue doing the work and behavior you know you can, learn about the things you can identify about yourself that are problematic and actively pursue the realization of their resolutions, and think about and really consider how those people in our networks are experiencing our madness and learn to recognize when it’s time to disengage to give them the space they need. As far as navigating the medical and mental healthcare landscapes go, continue trying to access the care you need through self-advocacy. Ask professionals how to approach specific needs to achieve results. If you can’t find an answer, ask questions until you do. 

Proactive, amenable, self-advocating participation in all the facets of your recovery is absolutely essential to achieving any modicum of success. There is no half-way, easy way, or other way. No one will do this for us. 

Discipline and relentless determination may well be the only viable options remaining for you. Do not disregard them because they are too hard lest you relegate yourself to the abyss. 

-HomieCidal Brainiac